Surviving An Internet Flame War

FLAME WAR

A flame war is a heated argument between two individuals, that results in those involved posting personal attacks on each other during, or instead of, debating the topic at hand.

Most forums have rules that forbid flaming. This is because the quality of conversation on a forum can be seriously degraded by a flame war. Topics can be "hijacked" by two people who would rather flame each other rather than discuss the subject of the thread.

Some websites encourage flaming for the purpose of entertainment.

First of all, if you do take the trollbait and become embroiled in a flame war, realize that you have already lost. A practiced and e-rep'd troll will push all buttons, all the time, and if you hit the post button in anger you have already lost. Just accept it and take the ridicule.

Second, if you cannot rise above the trollbait, at least exhibit decent spelling and grammar. For instance, when stating one's sexual preference, instead of “U R A FAG”** simply substitute “I have heard rumors that you are a homosexual”. Barring that, at least substitute proper words instead of letters by using “You're a Fag”**. And remember, apostrophe's separate the wheat from the chaff here!

Also, keep in mind the scale of the flame, and the speed with which you are thinking up your witty repartee'. On a small forum of less than 500 members, comments will fly fast and furious and you will have to type quickly in order to not have to quote the previous flameball so that it does not get lost and the thread of insults become lost in three pages of OMG SUZIE WTF D00D... Which will definitely happen because smaller forums encourage personal bonds within the confines of the internet, something yours truly sneers upon. Conversely, in a forum of over 10,000 members, you will have to type even faster because there will be moderators and supporters of your opposition dropping their two cents like pennies are going out of style. That typing class you took in senior year of high school? VERY useful for once.

Now always keep in mind that there is a 4:1 ratio when using the word “fuck” or any of it's derivatives. Flame wars of any size usually degrade fairly quickly into such sentences as “Oh yeah, I heard your f*cking furry faggot friends and your f*cking Ron Paul supporter mom have regular orgies while watching 2 girls 1 cup haha lol you f*cking f*cker.”** This is, amazingly, appropriate because for every four words there has been one 'fuck'. However, 'fuck you, you fucking douchebag f*cknut f*ckrag fucker”** is completely over the line and doesn't use the correct ratio, making the phrase completely indecipherable, useless and grounds for ridicule. But you knew that, since you jumped in after trollbait anyway, didn't you? This ratio is also useful when applied to any other strong words, such as “c*nt” and “f*ggot”**.

Don't take it personally. A troll is a troll because they can, and it's never personal, unless you believe that it is. The Greater Internet Dickwad Theory is that Normal Person+Anonymity+Audience=Total Dickwad.
It's not about you unless you MAKE it about you.

And finally, keep in mind that brevity is key. Godwin's Law of the Internet is formed around the idea that the longer a flame thread gets, the probability of a comparison to Hitler or Nazis approaches 1. The "Get" Law postulates that the closer a person gets to a significant post number the more likely they are to fail, and the Ban-Hammer Theorem states that the longer a thread becomes, the closer the probability that someone will get banned approaches 1.

Keep it short, keep it sweet, and remember: if you've already replied, you've already lost.

Signed,
Ms. Anthrope

**Please remember that the phrases and language used in this post were picked to best represent an "attack" during an internet flame war. Please do NOT send us hate mail regarding the words used. We know they piss you off...that's why trolls use them.
Thank you. ~ Management